Laugh

2011-08-23T00:20:00.001+08:00

Ah so. So the world gonna be like that.

It's the same feeling tonight. The complex feeling of human relationships. Wish I could be non human .

2011-08-18T02:04:00.001+08:00

誰か誰かわたしの相場にいてほしいわかってくれってほしい。

2011-08-18T02:00:00.001+08:00

Relationships between humans are such tiring things.
I may be classified as an extrovert cuz I not afraid to talk to pple or rather I see no need to Shy away. But then sometimes it gets so tiring with everything going on that I wished that I was not Human. I wished I didn't need all this.
でもわかんないな。他の人ぜったいわかんない。誰も理解できないわたしの性格わたしの気持ち。つかれた。ずっとこのままにねてほしい。永遠に起きないようにぐらいつかれた。

2011-07-28T19:11:00.001+08:00

Ok. Yes. It has ended? Between me, her and him? Ok. He should be the first out of the picture since i decided to be out of their little game. And then she. She may think she is right being upset and suffering now but she has no idea the feelings and turmoil that I went through in the past few weeks.
Thanks for the bye bye wave. I chose to stick my hand out and you pushed it away. I never pushed yours away. I just decided to stand still and remain where I am.
I have my stand you have yours.
I may be wrong at some, but at least I had felt guilt. Doubt you did.

What's this primary school tiff. Bull shit seriously. Ultimate stupidity.

The guy too deserves a whacking. If he hadn't screwed up people's mind it wouldn't be like that for two friends.
Kinda sad. I know she didn't choose who ever over who cause that's really a really childish assumptions. I just wished she had given me time.
It's gonna be a regret. I know it. But nothing can be turned back already.

2011-07-15T13:46:00.001+08:00

Today 15 Jun 12.54am.

I decided to record this down. Because it's the first time I have cried for someone else besides my family and those cheesy scenes in dramas.

I know I have cried and maybe I had been holding it in the whole time today. And the whole week last week. The mere thought of them together was disturbing. I promised myself that he would just be a normal friend, but seems as though I have put in more feelings that I should have. It doesn't help that she's laughing it off. It feels that I am the only one suffering. I know shouldn't be thinking like that because I just think too much.
There's no work to throw myself in the next week. Only her who would be tapping on her phone. To him.

Oh. So this is what they call " it" , it's really kinda stupid I couldn't understand it last time when my frens spoke to me about it. But now I do. Does it mean I have grown?

All these love songs that I am listening to only sings about the pain after separation or during the relationship. But mine is already like that before anything. I can't believe I am saying such stupid things. Maybe I will laugh one day when I look back. Or
Just feel the ache that i am feeling now. My statements are so cheesy it stings.

2011-07-10T03:29:00.001+08:00

Why is it so hard.
Why is it so hard to keep the fucking fingers off the fucking phone.
I am a real life human in ur presence ok.
And it doesn't help when it's the person that I like. Seriously.

2011-07-08T22:03:00.001+08:00

Why is it so hard.
Why is it so hard to keep the fucking fingers off the fucking phone.
I am a real life human in ur presence ok.
And it doesn't help when it's the person that I like. Seriously.

2011-07-04T19:08:00.001+08:00

ムズイ。ムリ。

2011-07-04T19:07:00.001+08:00

Then again I should really watch wat I say on my blog. Though I doubt
Anyone would ever read. Hahahha

2011-07-04T07:52:00.001+08:00

My mind is in such a cocked up state. I can't believe I kept thinking about the same thing the same person for the whole weekend.

2011-07-02T10:38:00.001+08:00

I really need someone to give me a hug now an a pat on the back and say,
"it's ok. You know there will be others out there. There will always be more opportunities for you. And you know I'll always be there. And you know I'll love you always." it's love. Not like.
My siblings wouldn't do so because it's too mushy. Maybe my parents will.

2011-07-02T08:36:00.001+08:00

That's it. That's all that settles it isn't it.
All I need to do clear my mind and give up.
Put up a fight? How much? When the person doesn't even know.

This post is gonna look so hilarious in the future when I look back.

2011-07-02T01:18:00.001+08:00

緊張してる。

2011-07-01T14:57:00.001+08:00

If that person could just be direct and stop making me misunderstand. :(

2011-07-01T11:25:00.001+08:00

苦しいくるしい苦しいくるしい苦しいくるしい苦しいくるしい苦しいくるしい苦しいくるしい苦しいくるしい苦しいくるしい苦しいくるしい苦しいくるしい苦しいくるしい苦しいくるしい苦しいくるしい苦しいくるしい苦しいくるしい苦しい

誰が。助けてください。

2011-07-01T11:22:00.001+08:00

I hope it wouldn't be awkward.

あの人のこと好きになった？自分もわかなくなった。私が他の人を好きになる条件がある？そして、他の人が私のことをすきになるべき？
つかれた。今週これしか考えなかった。

2011-06-30T08:27:00.001+08:00

If u wanna treat me as a rival then go ahead.
I am disappointed. Like really.

2011-06-29T09:15:00.001+08:00

Falling asleep at the bus stop while waiting for my dad to pick me.

It's really stupid to not know who you like.

The issue is with the ability to recognize the chemistry and the mutual liking.

I wonder why is it so difficult for some
And easy for others.

Shall stop here since I am freaking sleeping onto my phone

2011-06-28T20:22:00.001+08:00

It hurts. I don't know why. It's like why.

2011-06-28T16:28:00.001+08:00

It hurts. I don't know why. It's like why.

2011-06-28T15:54:00.001+08:00

希望が無い。一日いつも

Blog = twitter

2011-06-28T15:37:00.001+08:00

Suddenly I realized that the blog may have even more privacy than twitter.
Haha I sort of over invited pole into twitter. Ootttookkkaaaeee

2011-06-28T00:10:00.001+08:00

Tch. Irritating. She like then say la. Whole say me for what. So irritating.

2011-06-27T22:34:00.001+08:00

そして。どうすればいい？どうやってあの人のことが好きだことでわかる？
でも人を愛することは元々なんか難しい！なんてすごくむずかしっぽい。たぶん永遠にわからないかも

ごめんね♪───Ｏ（≧∇≦）Ｏ────♪
文法は全然下手そう。自分のお酒持ってきた

2011-06-27T21:05:00.002+08:00

久しぶりダナ～ブログを書くのは
仕事を始めるのもう一年すぎ。
最近文句あまりない？違うかな？
今してること大好きだもん。
でもcompetition は多すぎる
疲れる。

最近の一週間幸せすぎて怖い。

2010-09-21T23:00:00.002+08:00

言ったか？　もう社会人よ。まもなく四ヶ月。
久々だね。文句無かったから。ハハ今あった。

先輩たちの考えを理解できねぇ。
わたしはわたしだよ。どうして他の人のために変わらなきゃ。信じられない。
全然違う世界だ。年齢がすごく近いなのに。

2010-07-02T22:06:00.002+08:00

it's scarey how cold i have become.
inside.
its unbelievable.
actually maybe its a good thing.
because only then i can prevent the happening of some stuff that i am so afraid of.

been enjoying work. have been real busy and a lil stressed this week~
but it has been a fulfilling week.
i keep learning and learning. it is so exciting:)

2010-05-24T04:46:00.002+08:00

been in europe for more than a week!!..
Cant believe i am feeling so homesick now.. Never had it before:( i guess europe is really not my cup of tea..

Haha but of course shopping will always brighten my day. Shopping paris was whoo ~ only got stressed trying to carry my stuff back. And getting stressed now on how i'm gonna get to the airport and get my luggage check. Oh my tian i knew this was coming but i cldnt stop my hands >.< anyways.. Miss hm tonnes..

I got to say this that's why i decided to post.. Visited a concentration camp site war memorial toward with a cheap tour. But after hearing so mich and actually see those stuff kept from that time' i am truly tramatised. I dont know how i can earse those images from my mind... Ahhhh someone help me please... I so need to hear my mum's voice of reassure or that she'll go to the temple and pray for me tmr.. But i dont wanna call her.. It's like i am weak... And she'll berate me for even gg to these areas... Images keep popping up. I cldnt bring myself to take any photos... But the images and stuff are even more deeply imprinted in my mind. And it doesnt help tomodachi ga zen zen watashi no kimochi wakaranai. Now in the hostel lounge and cafe room with a really cute family playing pool. And me in my pj typing onto my nokia e63 and the other hand holding on to my 大悲咒 I really need to talk to someone who can calm me down.

2010-05-05T00:50:00.002+08:00

i changed my blogskin..
blogskins.com have great blogskins! and they allow pple to use it :) just leave credits alone:)
of course..

so many talents there.

i was quite sad because i accidentally erased my previous blogskin while trying to embed a music player :(
anyway.. i found my old skin's template BUT was too lazy to edit smthg that i have edited before so i decided to look for another one:)
yum. vanilla.

2010-05-04T23:28:00.000+08:00

what's with the "it's ok. i will do everything on my own" attitude. AFTER asking for help.
i really loathe it.
the "i didnt say anything" when obviously you did.

i guess i really cant be free. because that means i will spend all my time at home = with a huge equals to friction.
本当にやだ。母親からあねとおとうとたちのはなしばかり聞かせれてる。
つかれる。大体わたしがぜんぜん言い場所じゃね。なんで聞かなきゃ？あのことをなにか答えたら絶対却下　却下　却下。
あれなら何でいつも私に？ききたくない。

2010-05-01T00:16:00.003+08:00

My fingers are itching~~ :):)
my keyboard is getting old:( the keys are starting not to punch properly >.<

試験もう　おわちゃいました！やった！大學の最後。ちょっとさみしね。
この３年間　スーゲー辛い時あったなぁ～　でも学生時間は一番だ。
ハハ　チャンスもうないんけどね。わたしには。
日本で慶応で修士をとりたかったな。でもこれは遊び心わかってる。
わたしがわたしの一番わかってるから。現時点でやめた。
もうちょっとお金なヤツをためたら自分のペースで慶応へ。

さ来週の旅行たのしみ！！はじめてそなんに短い時間できまったんからちょっとね。不安なんですよ。そのうえに　ヨーロッパスゲたかいんだよ。＠＄＠＄＃！＃＊＄＠＠　
またお金のはずだ。
貧乏ってさあ　なんでなにもできないの？
貧乏人は　人間では位置がないの？
これはいつも海外へ行く時とても思ってんだ。
ハハ
たぶんもっと安い国行った方がいい。

生まれたとき。何にもないね。ままじゃん？
でも大人になったら　これ　それ　あれ　がほしいんだ。
お金お金お金。
まあいいや。
イイかばん買いたい。

2010-04-20T00:57:00.002+08:00

i have been tweeting too much and afraid my friends will feel like my tweets are spam:(
kinda sad how i also fee concerned about how others think of me.
of course i clearly know some dont mind.. but those neither here nor there friends i am not too sure :(

what i wanted to say is that, i realised the need to learn to be satisfied and to love my home country Singapore, before wanting or making another country my goal.

i think i am still overly attached to Japan, and will take a long long long for this obession to wear off. <- i got to live there again, get really pissed with something there and then come back not missing it.
i was on skype the other day with chuchucherri. and then i found a perfect description for both of our feelings towards the land of the rising sun.
"we (japan/tokyo and i) seems to be a couple that were forced to break up. Japan is like domyouji." So because not everything has been known, and because we were forced to leave, that's why the thought lingers on for such a long time.

and another random comment. i am STILL very affected by that person who seems cold to me as compared to the others.. like a distance has been dilberately kept. w. t. h.
whatever. whatever. whatever.

and another another random comment. もう気づいちゃったよ。アンタが私に違う話し方。厳しいすぎて、スゲキマズイ。時々何なんだあいつは　と思ってんだよ。わたしを必要な時たくさんはなして要らない時、わたし何でも聞く時へんじこない。いつもそう。他の友達いる時すごく気まずいことを言う。いじめられ感があるんだよ！やめてくれない？

ok. i really cant study at home. no focus.
need to go dig out my crystal to wear to focus my attention.

2010-04-07T22:53:00.001+08:00

明日もう一度面接がある。
お願いだから！
いいこと言って！！

2010-04-07T15:48:00.002+08:00

미쳐가
apparently the above is "going crazy" according to google translator but i am so not sure >.<

最近結婚の考えばかり。
でも早いなぁぁ。
もう　２２才なるから　
もう　若くないっすよ。

恥ずかしいけど、言う。
２１才のわたし。
このデブのワタシ。
まだ。恋したことがありません。

デブからね。
デブ　ブサイク　デブ　ブサイク
可哀想なワタシ。
＾＾

i am going crazy. GAHHHH

でも恋愛の価格はいくら？
最高？最低？無価格？
ゴミ話だ。
もううううう　わからなく来た。
なんで　恋しなきゃ？
恋したい　恋したくない　恋したい　したくない。

昨日バスで　知らない人が　私の気持ちを気遣った。
ちっちゃいこと　けど　すごくいい＾＾　
彼の足はけががあるから
もっと　大きい席の方がいいのに。。。
最初もうわたしの隣すわった。
１個　２個　バス亭を通過したら　向こうの席が空いた。
彼は移動すると思って　私をちらっと見て　移動しなかった。　＾＾
たぶんメンドクサイと思ってる　かもしれない
でも　このcrazyのわたしは　彼は私の気持ちを気遣った　＞。＜
hahha.
自分のこと　愛しすぎ。

自分のことしか　愛せない人とそっくりなわたしは　誰を愛することができない。
一生できないかも。

2010-04-01T21:36:00.003+08:00

父親昨日帰って来た。
３ヶ月ぶりか　４ヶ月ぶりか　もう　わかんね。

わたしの家族は円満けど、円の真中に穴が開いてます。
すごい大きいの。

知ってるですよ。わたしは　たくさんの人より　幸せもん。
でも　幸せには　絶対の幸せある？
無いと思う。

一人がいいね。
人間は　もともと　　一人もんと思わない？
生まれた時　死ぬ時　
だれもついて来た　だれもついて行った
一人じゃないと　傷つける。
たぶんわたしみたいな　変な子は　一生一人で生きてが一番いい。

母親今　叫んでいる。　うるさい。

あたしは　女性けど　この家族の子供でしょう？
小さいから　わかってる　この家で　男のこの強さ、でも全然気にしなかった、祖父母だけと思った。
でもそんなことない。
あたしの両親もそうと思っていらっしゃるんです。

おめでとうございます、生まれた時から、わたしの未来もう決まった。
１位になれるわけもう無い
１位じゃなくても　弟がデキタラ　平等な地位もうもらえない。
悲しいね　そうを考えると。

だから　早く働きたい　すーごーく　日本で勉強したいけど
自分のために、早く自立できないと！お金とお年を　持って　取って。。。
そうしったら　日本に行って　自由で　大好きな勉強　大好きなこと　をする。
あれは　今私に対して　幸せの意味だ。
甘いに見えるけど。。。
ワ。タ。シ。の。シ。ア。ワ。セ。ダ。

2010-03-31T09:42:00.002+08:00

ah ha. i am gonna start to blab again.

recently i suddenly felt again the effect cultural differences can bring.
or like the irritating-ness of people not understanding what i want them to know.
ok. let's see.

no.1
i miss my friends who are overseas very much right now. like really alot. because when school start i have no life. no life = school+tuition.
it is a choice but u know. school saps up so much life that i dont feel like going anywhere after it. and that even if i do. i feel sinful and guilty so much that i wanna quickly go home, as if there is someone waiting for me at home.

no.2
i dont know what my problem or what's this person's problem.
like from last time i already tried to be friendly. and thought maybe it would be like any other socialising shit and we'll be fine.
but no. the person is damn bloody cold.
wat the hell is the problem.
i also dont know.
so irritating. anyway i am being retarded too because i dont know why on earth am i being irritated for. who's this person anyway. i guess its just that i cant take it lying down that i didnt manage to make this a proper friend.

no.3
this feeling has been bugging for a few days.
the feeling that i lost something or i forgot to do something. but i dont know!
i dont know!
urgh.
the mental result from procrastinating too much.
whatever.

whoo~ comfortable i finally managed to say things i have been wanting to tell someone abt.
but have been quite a hermit these days.

2010-03-27T02:44:00.002+08:00

sometimes when i think of the times i spent or the stuff i said or the stuff i did.. i feel that i have done soo wrong..
even though i really dont think my maturity has changed.
its not exactly being immature i would like to choose to feel this way.
but more of like.. hmm.. why in the world was i behaving like that. and why the world was i so high, so upset, so rude, so overly-enthu.
i was walking around (to the toilet to be exact haha), suddenly this memory/scene popped into my head.
it was this trip or outing i had with several nus pple whom i dont know at all and we just met becuz we were in tokyo doing exchange and not even the same uni.
but like we were let's go to odaiba(this reallly nice place by the tokyobay) together and just play ard the area kinda thing.
then i rmbed i was late (not very ok. like 15 mins so still pass. not my fault i couldnt find the train station at the interchange k. i was walking in circles>.< ready to cry ahah)
then i think superficial mean girl me came bursting out of my skin.
(but i really dont do these things on girls only the males), cuz it was like 2 guys and 2 girls, i knew one guy from this nus meeting dinner 2 weeks ago so it was fine but the other one was kinda neeerrddy. ok. i am too. but hello. he is the distinction kind a bit ah pek)

i think i was crazy because i was damn bad to him the whole day like how i would treat jeslyn normally - but u know jes is 自己人 so it was fine, but i bloody meeting this person for the first time. and i was like huh hee hu heh hor to watever he said. <-do u get it? haha maybe i dont too.
one was like he wanted to enter this "amusement park" thingie which was too ex (at that time of my mind) like 1500 or 2000 yen i think. like 3 hours or 2 hrs before it closed.
the amusement park is at the top floor of a shopping place- sonic the hedgehog themed.
he was like huh.. we hardly come out eh n here is so far. if now dontplay when.
and then i said (but i rmb the other 2 as well) why dont u go in and see by urself, we will wait outside for u. <- at this time the sky was already dark ok.
i dont think our tone was mean or watso ever, just maybe a lil tired we walked too much.
just that i cant get his disappointed face out of my mind.
i mean i really didnt go like "Aiya. dont go in la. very late already u know. " i remembered keeping mum and looking in to the brochure carefully for him to see f there were any twilight discount tickets.
but i still said that line "u go in urself los. we wait for u outside its ok one." shit.
and there goes.
but then yea it ended such that he didnt go in. but i think they didnt enjoy much time with me cuz i behave like a spoilt brat sometimes i think. or like some weird person. (<-pls dont tell me that even though i know cuz i will really be heartbroken. T.T)

and they never contacted me again
haha. so sad.

there are so many of these moments that come as a quick flashback to me and i so feel like digging a hole and stuffing my head in it. gahh.
its freakin embarassing. cant imagine what they were thinking when i say all these things.

so my dear frens especially my close most-suseptible friends please do not take watever i say into heart when i seem like i am blabbing away. cuz those times u know, my tongue just shoots off. but of course please offer me a listening ear as well cuz sometimes i am just showing my true feelings and opinions and not trying to please everyone.

i know i should change my habit of saying: sorry, ごめなさい，对不起.
but u know i cant help it because i dont want to have times where i ahve flashback and want to kill myself for not apologising when i needed to.
when i say sorry i really mean it, even though i say it so often, it doesnt devalue my sorry ok.
just like how how available diamonds may be (with $$ ofcuz), it still cost alot + quality matters.
my apologies always has my meaning to it.
i dont say sorry to pple i dont like or feel dont deserve it.
so ya just accept my apologies and keep it. and remember to remember that i apologized to u before, despite the things that i might have done (that time , this time, whatever time) out of straightforwardness and u have a flashback of the moment. >.<

japan again. forever. i need to stop talking abt japan like when i was in japan.
it is getting ahem with me even.
but sigh. i had no one to share with then ma.
just hear my exciting stories.

2010-03-23T22:01:00.002+08:00

今日　久々歩いて家へ帰った。
歩く時　色々なこと考えた。日本の経験もいっぱい思い出しました。
今日の一年前　私と母親が　日本の成田空港着いた。そしてたくさんこと　あったの。
母親は日本語が全然わからんから、私がめんどう見たばかり。
でも寂しくなかった。母親が帰ったら、ちょっと辛かった。
学校まだ始まってないから　友達があまりいない。できることもねぇ。
お花見自分やったことある。あああ！！スーゲー寂しそう。
でも学校始まったら　楽しい時間も始めた！！：）：）
その３ヶ月はすごく楽しかった。時々日本人のこと嫌いになったけど。それはちっちゃいことだけなぁぁ。
東京の時間はすごく自由でした。たぶん　その自由にあいしてる　だから　今　そんなに　日本に戻りたい。
いつか。　私。　絶対。　もう一度　慶応で　勉強します。
これは　私　今の人生の目標です。これからも。

2010-03-18T22:30:00.003+08:00

明日　シンガポール税関（ぜいかん）で面接をうけます。
緊張　心配　緊張　心配
この仕事は第一希望じゃないけど、　一緒懸命　やる気満々で。
本当に　すごくいい仕事と思う。
お願い！明日いいこと言って！！

2010-03-16T23:10:00.002+08:00

もううううううううううう。。。
あたしの日本語　どうしょうううううう？！？！
日本からかえてもう一年間。日本語も全然ダメ　なってる：（　T.T
以前日本語で考えて話しやすい。。でも　今その”タレント”　も　ない！ない！
心配：（　
ちなみに　今日　９時半まで学校いったの。
勉強。。やはり家で　できない。。勉強は。
根性ねぇぇ　（ｗ）
統計のコンピューターのセンターで　勉強したの、　でも今日はスーゲー　うるさかった。
わたしの友達　けど：（　友達だから言えない。　
すごく　イライラした
それの上に　宿題の問題　一回したけど　まだできない、
友達うるさい、　できない、　うるさい、わかない、　うるさいいいい！！
何なんですか？その友達だから　我慢しかない。
ううううわあああ　もううう
でも　しかたない　なぁぁ。。

2010-03-15T23:22:00.002+08:00

他の人のブログ見に行ったの：）
おもしろかった！（ｗ）初めてブログをみたら笑った。
その人はすごく素直にいっっぱい書いた。。
読んだら　わかった。なんで　その人は　そんなに　人気がある。
いいなぁぁ　自分の意見に　ありえないぐらい　自信がもってる。
たぶん　ものすごい大物を見たことあるから。
わたしは　ここしか　無いんだ：）
うれしいこと　悲しいこと　自由で　はなせる：）＾＾
フィーフィーの　場合は　人気が無いほうがいいかも、　
おもしろいこと　も　言ってねぇし。。　ちょっと　つまない（ｗ）
自分のストレス　と　ファミリーの　しか言いたい　
ここは　あたし　の　ひみつ。
いつか　バレたら　（あたし　気にする人にだけだけど）
たぶん　泣いちゃうかもしれない。。　
悪口　言い過ぎ。　haha.

2010-03-14T22:28:00.002+08:00

アルバイト終わった！よかった！疲れた。。（ｗ）
あああ。。
明日宿題をださなきゃ：（
でもまだおわってない。。
ムズイなぁ
シンガポールの大学は本当にありえない。

2010-03-14T00:45:00.002+08:00

日本語もっと練習したいから、これから　限界まで日本語で日記を書くつもりですううう：）
今日台湾のアイドルのコンサートを見に行った！：）
ものすごいすばらしかった！！でもやっぱりジョ二ーズのコンサートが一番いいと思う。

日本語のクラスの先生がわたしを升級した。うれしい！！：）

あのねぇ、
いろいろなことを考えてきた。友達と話すときすごく不安。ちょっとおごった。友達に。
でもそれは　ダメ、知ってるよ。
今の世界は　もう　自分の世界に　なってる。
わたしも　同じ。　
いつも　自分だけの立場を考えて、　自分だけがほしい物をとって。。他の人のことぜったい考えていない。
ひとりだけ　わたしが　そのひとは違うと思った。でも大間違いです。
その人は　大人がみえるけど、　実は、本当は、　自分のことが中心。
友達か　この人。
でもさぁ　友達というものは　もともとは　わたしのことを思ってる者じゃない。わたし　これを信じてるよ。だから　意味がないじゃん？ー＞　友達を作って。。
わたしも　自分しか　考えないから、おごる　は　ダメ　わかる。
でも　考えほしい　なぁぁ。

ちょっと　ががりしたよ。だから今日本語で　書いています。

イライラするなああ。。最近が。　
もう　わかなくかてきた。未来がみえない：（

2010-03-08T22:09:00.002+08:00

心痛。
does she know how much she is hurting me whenever she says stuff like that.
comparisons are not meant to be like that.
family is not meant to be like that.
my mum. is not meant to be like that.

whenever it comes crashing down, i feel like crying.
but is unable to do so. because my chest crunches up so hard that the pain takes the tears away.
this time. in front of the cold refridgrator door.
i was unable to breathe. i thought i was about to suffocate.

words here can release the thoughts that i should forever keep silent about.

it is just that sometimes i think our family is much more broken then the happy close picture others see.
i know i am fortunate.
but humans are greedy.
and i think the only way for me to stop being greedy is to become a lone.
to cut.

2010-03-08T12:53:00.002+08:00

i want to travel!! i want to go so many places for my grad trip. (although it's just another excuse to fly)
Paris, Taiwan, Hawaii, Japan, California, Bangkok.
so many places i wanna go! and if i dont go this time, I would never be able to go for such a long holiday once i start work.
but the problem is that i dont even know when i will start work and that the applns are all in processing state and i dont want to miss any opportunity just because i went to play.
how how how.
my heart is burning, waiting for the results of applications, wanting to arrange my last holiday.
argh.

2010-03-06T00:00:00.002+08:00

whoo. i have been writing quite a bit lately. overflowing with emotions:)
haha my period is on the way. >.<

anyway.
today has been the happiest day of the week.
my mood was totally obvious despite the swollen face due to 10 hours of excessive sleep.
my mum woke me up at 7 am before bringing my brother to school with a "i dont need to wake u up so early today right? u dont have school today right?"
huh mama? u just woke me up?

and then when i finally pulled myself out of the bed before i got a headache from excessive sleep, my mum said "after this exam u dont have anymore isit? u finished studying already? going to holiday already?"
huh mama? its only march! and 5th of march! i barely had school for 2 months!
how compressed can an university semester get?

anyways i was in a good mood despite needing to shout at my 12 yr old tutee for not doing her hw, and needing to do my economics group project outline with sleeping members.

>.< why am i in such a good mood?
i dont know! anyway what i wanted to talk about was recieving messages from people that you would always miss whether they are by your side or not.

i get excited whenever i successfully make a friend, and really nervous when when a person did not originally hit off with me well (and maybe never will due to differences) become friends with me. I am not sure how to respond. rather then not hitting off well, i would say it would more be like I am "scared" of the person. But then when we get to talk, i shoot through the skies and into cloud nine. I like it:)
i like it very much that I can finally talk to the person, even if its the little bit. even better if it was intiated by the person. suugeee ureshi.

another time would be when someone whom I always missed and will still miss due to the distance, spring a surprise on me:)
someone wouldnt include my family though.
strangely enough they are too close until it feels overly mushy when such things happen.
friends only.

a message can really make me happy >.<
brimming with a smile till i sleep.
i will probably have a good dream tonight.

and

2010-03-04T21:40:00.002+08:00

the power of words. and language.

i think everything seems to be centered around numbers.
money money money.
finance stock market currency statistics weather reports latitudes earthquakes.
yea. why did i choose to study statistics.
the one that one of the closer ones to numbers.
ironically. it was because it had the most words.
in JC i liked doing statistics.
because, it made sense, it was logical.
it was unweaving the information bits stuck in the paragraph carefully thought out by our teachers.
i think they may have had a tough time setting paper 2s because of the amount of words and information they have to make sure the students were provided with before embarking on the journey of analysis.

in my three years of studying stats never once did i not grumble. (urm, maybe i was just alil arrogant during the foundation module, but hey, its lasted only 15 weeks, and only made 1/5 of my school life then)
but, at least i know I have extra depth in my knowledge of that portion.
These few months of job searching and countless explanation to people has dawned on to me how behind the scenes statisticians have been.
"What can "statistics" do?" "why did you study that for?"
hello. there's a reason and calling for every subject that is being offered in our teeny weeny national university.
the national university would not waste their precious resources on developing and mantaining a course that would not bring a name to their graduate, and then back to them.
although i think a huge amount is spent on unnecessary lights and air-conditioning too.

and yes. talking about the use of statistics. Isn't everyone in almost every single subject immersed in it?
from the cold hard finance- where they study trend, forecast, trace retrospective results, show evidence to the public about their capital. is it not statistics?
to human related warm fuzzy stuff like about of help given, needed, death toll, survival rate.
or even the scales of many measurements probably resulted from past history statistics accumulation to form standards and benchmarks.

then why do those people in business. ask. why do i study statistics for.

I remember my driving instructor say, "isn't something you can just feed to the computer and the computer will give you the results." yes. and then sir? "do u understand the results? do u understand the difference and significance of different conclusions that 0.05 and 0.06 can bring?
just like how a doctor's judgement is crucial. so is a statisticians on numbers and graphs, because we have have only theories and case studies to deal with piling, ever-changing results, and renewed old, new data.
ah ha.. i went overboard with my dissatisfaction about the under-ratedness of statistics.

the main point i wanted to say was the power of words.
it might not seem major. but words, and language and tone that comes out from some one's mouth can really affect someone.
i am one person who cannot take "shut up" very well, although i do say it too.
a fun "shut up la" is of course ok. but u know u never know when the person is in a not very good mood despite the smile on his or her face, and that even a fun "shut up la" may cause a slight tingle.
no no. i am not saying that i am that sensitive. I am not that moody a person, its just a thought that occurred to me, when my mum said it like 3 times (with 2 times shouting) at me.
I just wanna remind myself to becareful with my own words and tones. although, the tone really can get bad when i am rushing or am feeling anxious.

it really can get quite bad. the heart crunch. but for me it is only about certain things, or by a certain person and in a certain tone. so with 3 factors needed, I dont think the probability of me getting it is high, but why do i still get it rather often from the ones I cared about so much.

2010-02-17T01:48:00.002+08:00

chinese new year. i see i see.
this year, my dad didnt come back from where he is outstationed, tch. too hard at work.
never mind:) i still love my parents alot:)

so i spent the eve, first day, second day and third day of the new at my grandparents place. everyday everyday.
i was fine on the eve and first and then i over ate. ate a wrong combination of food and was in the UTMOST discomfort of food poisoning on the second day.
the third day, Today, started of with an unexplainable headache. ughhh

anyway. i spoke to one of my friends today and i was excitedly probing her new-found experience as an student somewhere besides the puny dot in this globe.:)
i am really excited for her!:)
and yea.. school hasnt started so no friends as yet can be the loneliest thing but luckily she has a fellow schoolmate with her:)
my friend spoke abt skype, i told her tonnes of my stuff and we twirled to the topic of the missing home. she spoke that she misses us, her close dear friends (i can imagine her rolling her eyes), and her new found companion (i dont know if she'll kill me, but oi, i no mention names hor and i got quite a number of friends departing for exchange this semester)
so my mind wondered to somewhere around this topic, (while waiting for her answers to my numerous continous questions online.. huuhuu)
about relationships. i mean. to many of my friends who had to have long distance relationship (inclusive of those in tekong and whereever else there are camps), it is almost guaranteed that they will have a hard time, especially when they have to separate in the beginning.
Then why the hurry to start?
of course I cna understand:) the "sweet" feelings that appeals for the start of the relationship and just that spur of the moment when one side musters enough courage to profess and ask.
but as said, a spur of the moment.
if the separation was definite to be long, then of course it doesnt make a difference.
however, i think if the separation is to be short, then maybe they could have spoke about their feelings and maybe start a little later?
why plough the originally supposedly honey dripped intial time with missing thoughts?
but i know i know i would not understand..:)
but i am still happy for my friends who have found their companions,the right one they know for the time being:)
i am still searching!!~~whee~~
maybe when finally one comes knocking onto my door i will be able to understand:)
but single is really a rather good choice for a person like me with weird perspectives especially in relationship issues..

みんな　は　幸せになりたいけど、ちょっと考えた方が　いいと思よ。
ほんとうに相方が幸せになれる？　あなたの告白としては。
迷惑かけないか？
でも　いいなぁ　恋愛って：）

2010-02-10T22:00:00.001+08:00

http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/jKB0smGdmcE/

this is better than brad pitt's meaningless sex scenes.

2010-02-04T22:04:00.000+08:00

スーゲー　疲れる。
urgh

2010-01-26T10:12:00.002+08:00

this unsettled feeling has been in me since yesterday..
what can it be now?..

i have just been rejected by barclays..
so now toshiba barclays is now in my failed list.

i have a loreal recruitment talk and i really hope it will go well.

yesterday when i was driving to school i saw an accident.
a bird was hit by a bus and then it just dropped onto the middle of the super busy road.
i was shocked and saw the bird struggling to fly or stand up even though it seemed badly injured.
as though one wing could no longer move. the traffic light turned green and cars started zooming down. i drove past it and turned left into my school. i couldnt take my eyes of it. and all i saw was the scene of it struggling to ruffle its feathers back into shape and a red polished car just nearly missing it.

from then the unsettled feeling set into me.
even now.
i am afraid of the potential happenings.
the future scares me
and i could almost feel the fear that was exuding out of the bird that was desperately trying to survive.
did it make it? i really hope it did.

the uncertainty of life and the upcoming future really really frightens me.

my honest truth about LG40 new Chocolate BL40

2010-01-05T20:24:00.011+08:00

my honest truth about LG40 new Chocolate BL40

The Smile: <3

To me one of the most outstanding points of this phone is the clarity of graphics. The resolution of the High Definition LCD screen of this phone is comparable or maybe even sharper than that of some handheld game controls and gadgets.

One of my favorite “activities” of phone is the viewing of photos in the “Gallery”. Only intuitive finger swipes and movements on the screen were needed to obtain the basic functions of viewing the media. The intuitive and ergonomic concept of finger movements does not end at the “Gallery” folder; similar swipe patterns are consistently used in other functions such as “Schedule” and settings of world time.

I feel that the creative points of this phone are scored by the user-centered “operating system”- the S-class User Interface, of the phone. Due to the many functions in this phone model, it provides 4 “homepages” for our preferred. These “homepages” are easily changed and switched to and fro by instinctive finger movements- direct contact with what we need and want quickly without scrolling.

The Frown:

Our fingers need to “learn” the touch screen, in other words, time is still needed to get use to the sensitivity of the screen, and point of screen. However, this problem exists for all those who which to a new phone or brand, since each phone design is unique. In other words, we just need some time to get used to.

Probably due to the numerous functions and vivid colours, the switching between the screens does use a bit of time. This is more obvious during urgent moments- the change of screen or launching of the “Contacts” without the speed of our black and white phones, does sort of disappoint me. This small lag is also true when typing a message.

Overall Opinion:

The wide and sleek screen of this phone just screams “style”. It may be a tad heavier than the much-loved apple gadget, but makes it up with a really good screen and a longer, slimmer shape for easier holding. The meticulously designed operating system would be of great convenience if I could use some effort and time to store my habits and favourites into the phone.

It may be lacking in the speed, but I believe this can be and has been made up by other plus points. The phones now usually need both hands and none of the designs are really meant to be used with one hand. This old one-hand “phenomenon” might be possible again with this new Chocolate. However, I personally feel that using and typing with both hands for this phone is a more “comfortable” choice for me.

In shorter terms, I am one who loves people looking and noticing the gadget in my hand, therefore one with the design like this BL40 satisfies my materialistic feeling that I get when others give the phone in my hand extra glances.

2009-12-16T12:50:00.004+08:00

i'm back~~ tadaima~~:):)
i really love japan!!:) but it was colddddddd

i stayed with jane neechan but she was so busy:(
we had only alternate days together..
but we went to the much awaited disneysea together!!:):)
disneysea was fine i guess.. but i really do prefer disneyland still..
but duffy the new disney bear was CUTEEE:) i couldnt help but buy myself a duffy bear:)
:) spend money spend money.

although almost all the exchange students i knew were gone i still had my japanese friends and managed to meet up with some of them at least thrice in the pathetic 10 days i was there...

had fun except for the disturbinggg pain in my foot due to uncomfortable shoes:(
because my whooga boots didnt arrive in time for my departure(despite ordering for almost 2 weeks). it was a painful regret thaat my feet hurt so bad that i couldnt walk the amount i want:(

anyway! i look forward and aim for the day where i can live and study or even work in tokyo!!:):)
although it maybe lonely.

my favourite japan television station!!! NTV~~

we drank quite a bit~~ i almost fell asleep on the train!!

whale sashimi!~~

my beloved Arashi with the AU new phone debuts.. ahh ahh~~ AU phones are good but expensive:( for exchange students i still think softbank is the way to go.. but if a long term stay i will still go for an AU:)

2009-11-29T00:10:00.002+08:00

i cant stand some of the people i know are.
actually.
i am shallow as well.
but takes one to know one ya.

i always had this group of friends..
would i call them friends actually?
hmm.
they're too different in character from me i think
it was only recently that i felt how different people can be in terms of tolerance and "heart".

i think shallowness, selfishness and materialistic characteristics are perfectly fine.
but then.
there's this bunch of pple i know that seem to have the disease of hard-heartedness.
they laugh ruthlessly and criticise without putting themselves in our shoes.
of cus we cant do that in eveyr situation, trying to understand people.
but there are definitely those where there's nothing to laugh about and comment yet they do.
i really feel they are ...
plus.
they rate others.
that's why i dislike talking around them.
because i have pride to.
rather strong one,
i don't like the poking they do.
sometimes i wish they could just shut up and be thankful for what they have.

there're a few friends that i am really worried about.
but i dont know what to do.
and. moreover its really uneasy for me to share some problems:(
because once i tell someone, whenever i see that someone it reminds me of the problem or unhappiness i once had, even though its over.
its like tainting the person i confide in.

how i wish i lived in a world of television scripts.:)
if my life could be just half that exciting and more importantly straightforward as in the shows.
正直言うと、わたしの人生これからどうなるか全然わからない。
全然自信が無い。いい生活できるんだなぁ？　
時々もうやだ、生きていること。
いつもわたしの人生のことしか考えない。やだやだ。このわがまま、めんどくさいこと。
大きい意味があるしごとをみつけれととても幸せなことだとおもってる。
でも　どうしょう　みつけられない。　今まで。

2009-11-18T10:53:00.001+08:00

i didnt get the tickets.. Yeap.. But sort of expected it.

The closer the blinder the more insensitive a person gets. general theory..
:)
Smile smile and smile.

2009-11-18T00:01:00.002+08:00

it gets to me too many times.

なんでいつもわたしなの。
あんたはだれ。そんな友達いらない。
わたしのせいですか。
時々ね。。つかれたよ。あんたといっしょにのじかん。
ちょっと　嫌　なった

2009-11-09T20:58:00.003+08:00

地味だなぁぁ　私の人生が。。

Arashi's new single:) release 11th nov 2009. Which family would have 5 such good looking brothers la.. wa theeeeee
;) cheeko

2009-10-30T05:16:00.003+08:00

life is all about luck ya..
i probably used up a good portion of it in the beginning one quarter of my life.
there are some things no matter how mcuh u want it, and try to get it you'll never get it.
there are some things that i may wait forever, and i may try forever and will never get.
i have no one to blame.
it kinda scarey how undesirable money can be.
yet we need so much of it to live.
money is probably the scariest thing and unclean thing.
the things that we do to get , keep and save money is unbelievable.

2009-10-28T21:23:00.001+08:00

sometimes i really feel that it's the end.
i just want my own space.
why is it so difficult to get it.

2009-10-17T22:04:00.001+08:00

people who loved One litre of Tears should watch this:)

2009-10-15T22:34:00.003+08:00

i finally sent my invitations out today..
ahh ahh.. mendokusai..

anyways i am quite sad cuz like some of my favourite people aint here to celebrate it with me:(

2009-10-08T10:57:00.000+08:00

so many things have been going on..
It seems so uncertain. The future's road.
I am already in year 3, i cant help but feel lost.
With the average or below average standard i wonder where will i be.
Doors keep shutting themselves on me and i?
Keep shutting windows upon myself.
I failed stochastics and have clinical's mid term later..
I can actually say clearly what i wanna do.
But the path seems to be blocked.

u know what all ur shouting is of no use.. I am gonna leave some day. I left once and uu seem to be alright with it... So my existence really don't make a difference. The time that i leave would come.. And i wouldnt turn back and look for you. Cuz i know u will never be standing there supporting me to go ahead.

I am not sure from when i started disliking the idea of having children.. Maybe because the trouble both parent and child have to go on with life is unbelievable.

2009-09-24T21:14:00.001+08:00

i thought i was finding my way.
I thought i saw the light.
It turned out to be a lie.
I feel detached.
With everything, and just alone.
Cuz i no longer have energy to live back how i did.
And i also have no more confidence living as how i did before everything occurred...
Pathetic...

2009-09-24T12:31:00.003+08:00

iroirona koto ga atta..
It has been confirmed that i cant get tickets for the arashi concert...
Kyun.. the disappointment is unspeakable.
i know i have been quite mean to some people and that this is probably my retribution..
But yea.. i have had a good life.. And i should have no complaints..
I am really thankful for the people around me.. And the life i have been given.. ... i forget that there are other things moreimportant then wat i want.. And that actually arasho is a waste of time.. Unless they are earning money for me.. But i have not change my thought of getting masters in japan..
I have to work really hard now huh.. Haha.hai.. Ganbarimasu... Aruhi..zettai...mieru...

2009-09-17T20:49:00.002+08:00

sadness sorrow and emptiness
the yearning and earning the sucess
The life the laziness the worth

I can never be determined enough. I can never be successful. I should have never been.

I want life the easy way. With only saying 'i want's. I can only think life the easy way. I have only lived life the easy way.

2009-09-09T14:13:00.001+08:00

yay! Nee chan is coming:) but i will be rather busy fighting the demons of stats and laziness...
So gross...
because i didn't check my email, i missed diaki kun's mail about his transit...
Everything is not going well.. I feel like dying and its all thanks to my laziness for not listening in class and also my stupidity.
I really loathe it why did i choose it just for its name why did i choose it based on my superficial wants. I should based on my interest. Ah. I hate my tardiness i hate myself. Cant wait to end.

2009-09-06T09:53:00.002+08:00

yesterday night i had a really good dream.
but yea i know its impossible.
and having that dream and waking up from it feels so sad that i can feel my chest scrunching up.
everytime i want something so badly and did so much to get it, i dont.

2009-08-30T16:20:00.001+08:00

and i forgot! another thing! WOO congratulationsss...
Arashi's album is no.1 on album ranking last week.. selling 753,000 copies up till the 25th:)

2009-08-30T14:49:00.001+08:00

kyou wa matsumoto jun no tanjyoubi.. tanjyoubi omedetou matsumoto san! kyou mo ne.. kokuritsu no sai go no hi..
shin bun mita yo.. arashi no 10 shuu nen concert no hatsu kouen. yapari sugoi ne. ohno san naichatta ne.. kawaii:).. hontou ni.. kan dou no scene. hontou ni so ko ni itai... sugoi na.. kokuritsu.. dome wa tabun.. son na ni kireii jya nai. arashi no mina san hontou ni i shyou keimei ganbatta ne.. ii idol ga sonkeishimashita.
kyou wa kokuritsu koen no saigo no hi.. ganbatte ne arashi no mina san. watashi no kokoro wa ima watashi no jya nai. ishyoukeimei ganbatta arashi san no desu yo. chotto kimochi warui ke do, they are worth it. i hope it has been the most successful and happiest time of your lives during these three days.

2009-08-28T21:34:00.002+08:00

Possessiveness is ugly.
till recently the level of possessive was still unknown.
it finally came to light.
its uglier and scarier then i thought it would be.
life should carry on.
i insist on stopping it. making the desperate last efforts to hold on to the coldness.
so this is what it has become.
i have been having illusions the whole time.
and sank too deep into it.
4 months is really just 4 months ya.. i am overly attached.
and need help breaking the attachment.
i am just that kind of person.
i really dislike lukewarm or sort of cool friendship.
i probably underestimated my need for friends.
it really does not help when school has started and my closest friends are getting too busy.
it really does not help when my mother says things like "since you came back... when you were not here..."
it is not that i want to go over there or what ever.
it is just that i feel that i have lost my standing place and point.
i don't know where i belong.
people's life here went on well without me
the other people's life are going on well without me
i cannot seem to determine my spot already.
it seems as though there's no more space for me in both sides.
it feels exceptionally lonely.
so much that i feel i may suffocate from it one day.

2009-08-26T17:35:00.000+08:00

2009-08-26T13:42:00.003+08:00

i have been getting quite bad tempered these few days..
plus, i always feel something is missing!
i spoke to minhui and kai and cherie about the same thing yesterday..
i feel kinda out and weird..
and afraid paranoid and wat soever.
the feeling of lost as well
and the distraction also..
like i can be looking at the lecturer and the notes and my mind just happily wonders of to somewhere.. like arashi or my room in japan.
omg.
i need to snap out of this soon.
i am starting to feel the negative effects now.. like i am having trouble pulling my self of the whirl pool.

and seriously, for the first time ever i thought about something so often.
i really dislike it when i start to get disillusions.
ARGHH

2009-08-18T00:23:00.003+08:00

YAY!! today's the release of Arashi 10th anniv album!!:)

OMEDETOUUUUUU

2009-08-09T19:27:00.002+08:00

2009-07-25T16:37:00.001+08:00

There are just times where i really really wished i was fre e of wants.
Free of liking some things people
Needing the money and effort to get wat i want.
Worries of whether i could get what i want and the disappointment in not getting..
Its not about living a countryside life-i have concluded，after visiting so many countrysides i prefer the secure feeling of having most stuff around and conveniently available in the city..
Or rather just simply not having the greed of wanting or just simply having enough money satisfy all my wants(-.-)
The talk about money can make one sick
The thought about future can make one puke

Nikko

2009-07-14T18:10:00.002+08:00

there is a reason to like pop music.
like many i have always thought that it was the `lowest` of the music genre
but i didnt care and really only listened mostly to pop music...
i have grown to just say `yea i like pop music` and feel not that ashamed anymore.
when i was taking to ben.c one of the days, and he went like, `no i think there`s nothing wrong with pop music. it has its own complexity and charm.. the layers that pop music has is something that many genre cannot afford or be able to do so.`
hmm.. new opinion ya..
lyrics matter to me the most, of cuz melody too.. so pop music does that portion well.
its easygoingness allows the lyrics to be expressed as much as the singer wants to and not be oppressed by technics..
annd maybe thats why its called pop music- popular music.. beign able to identify with stranger is difficult.

2009-07-13T10:43:00.001+08:00

Today i saw something tat should not be tolerated.
There was a pregnant woman on the train. Standing with a well rounded abdomen.
No one stood up to let her sit.
I was standing.
There was at least two younger people sitting near her with their eyes wide open.
Although the two closest who were sitting were elders..one was obviously healthy and energtic enough to stand...
Here is the major failure of the hierarchical society of japan.
I was already not feeling well but watching it made me wanna puke..
But there is an unforgivable mistake of me.
I didnot go up to any of them and tell them off as i should.
So i guess tat makes me the same.

2009-06-28T23:03:00.002+08:00

releasing on the 1st of july!)
i am gettng overly obsessed.

2009-06-19T20:39:00.002+08:00

:):) it feels kinda good to know a different language:)

hurhur..

ほんとに　ほんとに　わがまま　だよ。
なんで　わたしたちは　きょうだいですか。
ぜんぜん　似てない　キャラ　も全部違います。
疲れた。ちょっとさびしくなる　でも　ね
わたしが　学校へいかないことは　ちょっと　嫌いなんですよ。
先週と今週　のお金　ほんとにすごかった
わたし　今　わたしが　きらいなんですよ。

ニノの　舞台みたい！！！でも。チッケと　は　超ムズイ。くろい　マケットの方は高いすぎ！！！！どうしょう！！
気にしないで　気にしないで　いつも　自分に言った：（

2009-06-17T20:03:00.001+08:00

きおくは大切だけど、今たぶんがめんどくさい．．
この時だい嫌い．．
でも今なみだがなくなった(^^)
自分の顔もう自分でわからない．

2009-06-16T23:22:00.001+08:00

OMG i forgot
nino's birthday!!!
hahah happy birthdya
its still the birthdya in singapore:)

2009-06-13T23:15:00.001+08:00

I just found out nino is gonna have a stage play(>д<)
I really really wanna watch it！！ apparently its really difficult to get tickets.. Yea it is really difficult..

だれか聞いてるわたしのことそんなに大事じゃないの？

2009-06-12T18:43:00.001+08:00

みんなと一緒にの将来

2009-06-12T18:40:00.001+08:00

alone and dead with all secrets will be ideal.
見えない未来

2009-06-11T08:02:00.001+08:00

僕が僕のすべて
新しいもの
わたしはそれを信じている

2009-06-09T12:04:00.000+08:00

hehe.
recently i have been having illusions..
i think i am like disillusioned currently.
anyways...
_WHERE`s MY ARASHI!!:)

it is such a xing fu thing to be able to watch arashi tv on air time..
but in 1 month`s time it will no longer be true:(

2009-06-04T23:02:00.001+08:00

哦我的天
我现在超讨厌白人!!!!

i really cant stand how deluded they are about their ignorance.
wat is f-ing hell is wrong with their like superior complex..
bloody suckers.

2009-06-02T22:52:00.004+08:00

In this two months I realised how quiet and how long i can keep quiet for.
kinda scarey.
but of course, talking is still fun, just that it has kinda become tiring.

i went to KANJANI8's concert 2009- Puzzle today.

and i had the best concert in my life ever.
Japanese concerts are really really well done and we have fun and feel comfortable.
the exact opposite of my experiences in singapore.
and it is alwasy full of surprises!!
despite me not knowing almost 95% of their songs!!
ahha NISHIKIDO WAS DAMN CUTEEEEEEEEEE:)
eheheeheheehe..
YES it was one of his band's concert:)
and guess what..
SAKURAIIIIII SHOOO came!! idont know why i just had this hunch abt arashi..
and then SAKURAI APPEAREDDDD:)
so cute loved the way how he felt embarassed leaving the stage and needed everyone to clap for him:)

and then i saw this white t shirt person.. and thought it was sakurai still sitting there watching.. who know it turned out to be Kamenashi!:)
ahha the KAT_TUN concert that I went to 2 weeks ago.. KANJANI8 appeared... and then KAT-TUN promised to turn up.. and they really did:) on the concert i went tooo (there were 2 days)
ahha
too much.. too over..
but it is really a huge huge pity that i am unable to watch Arashi's concert this year..
because they havent announced anything so it wouldnt be when i am around..
AND this year is their tenth anniversary.. so i guess they would hold it on their anniversary day.. 3rd november.
anw.. nino's birthday is coming 16th june..

AND BON VOYAGE KAI!!!

WAHH SHIOK !!
i just found out a few seconds ago.. ARASHI is gonna have a new single.!!! when i am still here!! WHOOOO:)

2009-06-01T21:49:00.001+08:00

2009-05-31T15:34:00.001+08:00

And ah shit！
Keio just lost to waseda！！
(-_-#)

2009-05-31T15:27:00.001+08:00

I just made another regret again！
Wat the shit..
That is wat happen when peer pressure is succumbed too..
I cant stand this me.

2009-05-30T13:49:00.001+08:00

Ah！超恥ずかしい！！！
Omg omg please dont let it be true stupid skirt！

2009-05-28T12:04:00.001+08:00

Shaking fingers. small world. there is no small world.
Bird´s eye view of the world beneath
The world of knowlegde.
The fear of inferior the fear of the hindering fear.
Shallow minds with no motivation
Shallow minds with extreme motivation.
The chance to get to be given.
The knowledge of the lack of knowledge.
Shaking hands.
Shaking fingers.

(-_-)

2009-05-24T07:12:00.001+08:00

I woke up at 520 left house at 620 reached here at 730 and might not have the chance of getting a ticket
Whoo congratulation..
And wat is the hell with tonnes of kids in school uniform one a sunday...

2009-05-22T21:32:00.001+08:00

I just finished watching the concert..
Hahahahaha
I dont have the empty feeling that i get with the 5566 concerts...it was on the whole a rather enjoyable concert without being squeezed.. the only regret is tat i wasnt high enuf..haha i guess it is because of the two girls beside me are totally not fans of kat‐tun man they only stood up when the dancers came out becuy the juniors..
And the other one on my side is like an auntie .. Hahahaha
But omg nishikido ryo came out as a guest with the other kanjani8 members i totally totatally screamed..！！
Oh my tian damn cute damn cute whoo！
And again i wasted money buying idol goods but aiya hahaha they can be my souveiners hur hur..
I bought a 45 dollar towel.. damn dumb..
And really tokyo dome is damn huge..

2009-05-22T14:10:00.001+08:00

The train was late again..
Anyway the past week has been monstrous..
I think i have not slept more than 48 hours in total..
Assignments..haha but for some reason i was kinda happy although there were times where i stood up and thought that i was gonna fall to the ground..
One influenza case has been found in kawasaki. The place where i m staying.. i think its gonna spread to tokyo soon..
I am going to see a concert today！！whoo hoo..kinda excited！although its not an arashi concert but its KAT‐TUN´s concert..
Haha so ironic.. the group that i liked and tat resulted me in the current place..

2009-05-16T11:04:00.002+08:00

for the Japanese its the twentieth birthday that is really important.. and they have huge ceremonies for it..
enviousss :):)

if i ever recieved a song like this, i think i will cry my eyes out..
i get goosebumps just listening to a stranger's song..
p.s. nope this is not a hint ah. i just mean i think it is verry sweet for annny kind of special occasion.. not just birthdays..:)

2009-05-15T17:45:00.001+08:00

And to add on today has been shit cold.

2009-05-15T14:30:00.001+08:00

I m like getting some kind of eating disorder.
I m damn sick and tired of worrying about money.
I m damn sick and tired of smelling cigarette smoke.
The cheap factor of the cigarettes make me understand why underage smoking is so prevalent. Even i feel like buying a pack.
It irks me so much that pple who do not work hard or do not take pride in their work are doing the same as me.
Wtf.

And wat is with NUS. i m really dying from the お金 issue and there they are offering to those with better results but not even wanting to have the study experience..they just want to play.
In addition. the scholarship money really alot of help.
I feel like crying whenever i see those people.
They dont deserve the money at all.
It gets so fustrating when these things occur over and over again.
I have once lost confidence in the working society and adulthood.
I have once lost my direction in life.
I need to find something to be good at and love it as well.
I am shit no good in everything that i may like.
I wonder what i am living for.
It kind of pricks me to know that some of my so called friends actually forgot my existence.
I think i just need some medicine.
To wake myself up from crap and the need to be needed.

キツイ。
ふざけんないよ！
今、わたしのきもち誰でも知らないわからない．

2009-05-13T19:58:00.001+08:00

the weather here is making me miss home.